A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was the ultimate battle between good and evil. For decades we have watched this battle unfold on screen. And like The Force itself, at times, the story was dark and painful, and at other times, it was light and funny.
When it comes to interpreting the Star Wars Universe, our friends at TeeTurtle make it as cute as it can possibly be. They have some of the most adorable Star Wars shirts on this side of the galaxy. So in anticipation of Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, I thought I’d review the story of Star Wars up to now, with the help of these TeeTurtle shirts.
Chronologically we start with the prequels. To get through that hot mess quickly, it’s basically all about how The Emperor came to power, and how a little annoying kid named Anakin Skywalker grew up to murder lots and lots of people as Darth Vader.
Daddy was so scary, they had to hide his kids Luke and Leia from him and far away from each other.
While the kids were growing up, Daddy helped build a nasty killing space station called The Death Star. A group of rebels, led by Jyn Erso, stole the plans for the Death Star in order to see if they could find a way to destroy it.
The plans were placed in the hands of the now Princess Leia.
So began the actual first Star Wars movie, otherwise known as A New Hope.
Before being captured by Darth Vader, Princess Leia hides the plans for the Death Star within star droid R2-D2.
R2 and his long-time companion, C-3PO coincidentally end up owned by Leia’s sister, Luke Skywalker. They meet up with Ob-Wan Kenobi and after Luke’s aunt and uncle are brutally murdered (and not even given as good a funeral as a bunch of thieving Jawas), Luke agrees to help rescue the princess.
They hire a cool ship called the Millennium Falcon, flown by Han Solo and the wookie Chewbacca.
They end up getting pulled into the Death Star, rescuing Princess Leia and taking her and the plans to the secret rebel base. Sadly, Obi-Wan was killed by Darth Vader in the process.
But then they blew up the Death Star. And everybody got a medal! Except poor Chewbacca…
Next came The Empire Strikes Back!
After a near defeat on the ice planet Hoth…
…our heroes split up. Luke went to Degobah to learn the ways of the force from Jedi master Yoda.
Han Solo, Princess Leia and company are chased around the galaxy by Darth Vader and a bunch of bounty hunters.
The Princess and the scoundrel ended up falling in love.
Then poor Han Solo got frozen in carbonite and we had to wait three years for them to rescue him in Return of The Jedi.
It was the final showdown with between the Rebel Alliance and the Empire, who went and built another Death Star.
They had a little help from the cute and cuddly (and to some, annoying) Ewoks.
Darth Vader sacrificed himself and killed The Emperor to save Luke. The second Death Star was destroyed. And there was much rejoicing.
But it wasn’t over yet. There was more to the story in The Force Awakens.
Where we met some new heroes, now called The Resistance…
Some new villains, now called The First Order…
And General Leia Organa leads her people to victory over yet another Death Star… I’m sorry, Starkiller Base.
That brings us up to The Last Jedi.
And the big question for The Last Jedi is: What new cuteness will it bring us? Well, it looks like the Porgs will be a start…
We’ll find out on December 15th!