Showing up to the party with your game face on is critical, but you also need to have on the right t-shirt. You want to let people know what you’re about from across the room. That way you can cut through meeting the wrong folks.
Here are ten ways to say, I know how to party the right way.
The hardest thing about a divorce isn’t signing the papers. Luis C.K. said it best, “no good marriage ends in divorce.” If you find yourself newly single, that’s a good thing. The hard part is getting back your game. Do yourself a favor. Let the world know you need a hand… and a cocktail.
According to Descartes, if you think, you are. That’s great, but here’s a little inside info: You can also not think and still be all your awesome self, but without that nagging voice in your head. You know the one. It says stupid stuff like, “maybe you should slow down,” and “hey, didn’t you drive here?”
A Fan Mexican Food
There is a time and place for guacamole; right now, right here. When you rock this tee, you let the world know that you know what’s up. You appreciate the world’s perfect condiment just as much as you appreciate the good time that always goes with it. Get ready to dip, you hip, and that it.
Beware the sensitive people wearing this tee. Libtards and right-wing nutjobs may give you nasty looks or even better, stay the hell away from you. They won’t have a clue where you stand, but they won’t want to ask either. You’re free to party however you like.
True fact: Wine drinkers are not alcoholics. Also true: wine drinkers are classy people. If you want to attract other like-minded classy people, this is the t-shirt for you. It’s obvious you’re classy; your print t-shirt says so. As does your half empty glass of wine or is it half full? Either way, time for a refill.
The same way tall people know they’re tall (they don’t need you to tell them) cute folks know they’re cute. There’s only one way to be cute. You gotta own it. That’s how you grab the world by the Tinkerbells when you’re cute. Put on this tee so the would-be party pals know exactly how to butter your toast.
Sure, it may take you a couple of rounds to loosen up, but once you get your groove, you’re ready to unleash the human Wikipedia. If you were a character on Cheers, you’d be the Cliff Clavin Jr. sort. You know exactly why everyone should use 9-digit zip codes.
Dazed & Confused
Everyone’s always got advice… well, you have some too. You just can’t remember exactly the order, but whatever. The basic idea is there; be good, kids. That way Santa will bring you the good stuff.
You realize you may have a problem, but only if you admit it so don’t. Just keep ’em coming, any time of day. Your tee lets other like-minded folks know where to find safe-haven. No judgments at this end of the party or wherever.
Not everyone is a loud-mouthed drunk. Some appreciate the smooth calm afforded a pipe or vaping experience. When you wear this shirt you’ll only attract the latter. You may also find you can’t leave the bathroom mirror in your apartment,
For advanced party-artists (yes, I said artists) only. There’s a time to drink, and there’s a time to puff. There’s also a time to make the water cascade down the walls and giggle like you just learned NASA’s deepest secrets. This is when it’s totally cool to have a cow.