It was never supposed to be made. Stanley Kubrick was hard at work on another script when his wife happened to give him the book, and good thing she did. The product of his resulting love for Anthony Burgess’s 1962 dystopian novel was the stunning masterpiece starring Malcolm McDowell, drug milk, and Nasdat. Between its graphic violence and explicit sex, A Clockwork Orange was controversial, no doubt about it, but it made its mark in cultural and cinematic history (just like a few other Kubrick classics).
The film’s heavy narration takes us through the rassoodocks of Alex, the evil protagonist and charismatic narrator, which is found to be saturated with a sadistic love of ultra-violence and gore. His few redeeming qualities hardly account for the damage he and his three droogs often like to cause, stealing and murdering and raping. Alex DeLarge is terrible. But all the same, his bizarre and outlandish personality is captivating, not unlike another villain we know…
But still, he isn’t a totally bad dude… sorta? At least he looks like he stays in shape! Alex has got some killer biceps, so that means he must work out. I bet he has his subscription to the Droogs Gym.
Exercise definitely must keep him in shape, but we can’t forget his regular nourishment (and favorite drink): milk! What would he and his droogs do without all those important vitamins and minerals? It is much healthier than coffee or alcohol, so forget Starbucks. Alex really is shaping up to be a lovely role model for our kiddos.
But that is not all! Our young
criminal hero and his sidekicks support literacy awareness! Besides the fact that the entire story originated in a novel, the man Alex, Georgie, Pete, and Dim brutally assault and traumatize in the first few scenes is a writer. Have you ever wondered why it is called A Clockwork Orange? It is never directly referenced at all, but in fact, the name comes from the title of Mr. Alexander’s work in progress. So Alex is basically screaming “I love books!”
Daily exercise, vital nourishment, and literacy awareness? I take back everything I said earlier. Alex DeLarge sounds less like the face on a wanted poster and more like Michelle Obama’s fictional counterpart. He can slide right into Disney channel next to Hannah Montana and Lizzie McGuire, and don’t even get me started on his Toys “R” Us sponsorship. The only thing more innocent than Alex is a Minion or a Care Bear or something.
Then again, maybe I’m overthinking it. The guy did kill some lady with a penis sculpture after all…
But either way, all this talk of a Kubrick classic, and we are all pretty sick with nostalgia now. I know just the antidote: try taking a look at some t-shirts. Grab one for you and each of the droogs, and you’ll be cured, all right!